Fantasty Football: The Draft

Yesterday was the draft for the office fantasy football league. I had been in earlier that day, but it was just Boss and I, and two people had just been fired, and it was empty, and sad, and I’m sick, so it’s kind of cloudy and I’m tired just thinking about it. I get home. First, it’s Jeopardy! time. Then, it’s draft time.

I’m not feeling good. Sign onto the draft board and it’s just Ze Commish in there, so I try throwing some players into my cue, just so I feel comfortable. Maybe I could have paid better attention. Or tried harder. But there was a mean battle happening on the final day of the Jeopardy! Teen Tournament Championship and I needed to crush someone.

It was an epic competition between Nilai, the Indian freshmen, Barret, the junior with the voice of an announcer, and Leonard, the senior with the afro. It was heated. I had been present for day one, so I knew the stakes. It was never going to happen for Barret, but there was something fierce going on between Nilai and Leonard. Nilai had won the first day, so Leonard really need to show what he was made of. And he did. Final question’s answer is Dwight D. Eisenhower, and Nilai nailed it. Leonard’s the last to reveal his answer. And?


“Who is, some guy in Normandy, But I just won $75,000”

Totally biffed it, and totally won. He didn’t have to bet a single dollar, he was that far ahead. It was awesome, and this draft was about to get spectacular.

It hit 4:58 and my eyes were switching from screen to screen. There was barely anyone in the draft lounge. Are you kidding me? Doesn’t matter. I got this. I’ve got some players queued up, names I know, and I’m feeling alright. 5:00pm and it starts. Only half my co-workers are signed in and by default, it goes to auto-draft. The girl that wasn’t there got Adrian Petersen on a whim, and I knew all strategy be damned. The auto-draft just went in player rank order; it was a race against the computer and the standings.

I decided to be that girl. I wanted Aaron Rodgers.  No shit, the person right in front of me took him. And this wasn’t even a computer; this was a human being. I wanted blood. I drafted Drew Brees because, fuck it. The turns snaked around and every time I tried to keep up on my next draft pick, he got snapped up right from beneath me. I kept shaking my boyfriend saying, “What do I do? What do I do!” until I chilled out, made my pick, and moved on to my next panic. Because it was a snake, I’d make one pick and wait 12 turns until I picked again, and then I would pick again in 3 turns. That quick turn never got easier.

I don’t know most of the players I drafted, but based on their past and projected stats within their positions, I think I came out with some good picks? I got my quarterback, running backs, and wide receivers taken care of right away. Then came my tight end, bench running back, my defense and my kicker. The bench was the hardest part for me to draft because the ranking numbers were getting low, and I couldn’t decide what I wanted for backup. I took Michael Vick as my second QB. I had waited a bit and the top picks were between him and Ben Roethlisberger; in my mind, the atoned dog-fighter had one up on the rapist. I backed up the usual suspects and my last pick was the Vikings defense because Jared Allen. Their QB isn’t much to write home about, so the defense should pick up the slack, right?


I swear he was not “questionable” yesterday

I think I came out okay. I have a couple of Packers and Vikings players so I can follow along with the games I’ll be watching anyway. The rest are divided due to their ranking, position, bye week, and what I thought about their picture. Like Kendall Wright, who sure looks really nice in baby blue.

There was relatively tame conversation in the draft lounge, so my “The Leage” dreams are slowly departing. We’ll see. I’m a sore loser and an even sorer winner. I do hope those people that couldn’t sign in get punished, all “I was at work” and “I was driving” excuses be damned. Ze Commish set it so there was no position cap, and I’m keeping my fingers crossed for a team full of running backs. So long as it doesn’t bite me in the ass.

First game is September 5th, so I got to have my line-up set by then and my first match up is again Ze Commish.

It’s about to go down.

the full line up

Team Polly Shore


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